A Year in Review (or at least the start of it)

This post was inspired by the church service I attended today. I'm new to this particular church and tonight was a New Year's Eve's eve type service. It was called a Lord's Supper: we ate dinner together followed by baby dedications and communion.

They asked for people to share their testimonies and since they also had this supper last year many people did a year of review. While they spoke, I thought of 2012 as I had lived it. I thought of the the road trips, moving, hospital visits, everything that went along with 2012.

If I had to describe 2012 I'd say it was a year that taught me about independence... and how I am not allowed to have any. :) My mother has always been a woman that put the needs of her children first. That's something that I have always admired about her. For a long time I think I confused her prioritizing my siblings and I with an independence from others. Nothing was impossible for her to accomplish alone (or at least that's how I saw it). I seek to do the same. Or at least I did until 2012.

At the beginning of the year I started a friendship that ended very poorly. He was a man that asked for help and I tried to be there for him as best as I could. Unfortunately he needed more help than I was able to give him and I had to end the friendship because it was not healthy for either of us. For the most part I kept all the tension to myself and just let it build. I was independent. Even after the breaking point, I shared my frustrations with few people and even then it was more to word vomit than to ask for help.

Since I didn't learn from that not to be an island of one from that experience a second trial came. I dislocated a disc in my lumbar spine through a series of prior, foolish acts. The disc between the L4 and L5 was shoved down and to the left which made sitting and bending impossible.

The only thing I was able to do without excruciating pain was standing and lying down. Unfortunately they only minimized the pain and didn't diminish it completely. Nothing helps one get over the illusion of independence quite as fast as the inability to bend. I was fortunate enough to live with two wonderful friends last year who were very accommodating but I found myself feeling like a burden. When I dropped something I would stand up and use my feet to shuffle it over to one of my roommates and ask them to pick it up for me.